Tuesday, July 17, 2007 @7:50 AM
I went shopping alone after work yesterday, reason being I just dont want to be home so early. I used to hate to shop alone, because I feel like people in the stores kept looking at you when you shopped alone, as though you are some kind of loner with no friends. Also, you have no one to seek opinion from when you are torn between 2 dresses and you budget only allows for one. So anyway, my resolution not to go home early manage overwhelm my self-consciousness and off I went to town for some shopping alone. Maybe because I wasnt really in a good mood to begin with, so for the very first time, people's views of me do not matter much to me. After shopping for a while, I kind of like the freedom of shopping alone. You can choose to enter and leave any store as you wish to. You can spend freely without feeling bad for you wont have friends beside you telling you how broke they are for the month etc. You also do not have to wait for your friends to take their time in the dressing room, nor do you have to take into consideration your shopping khaki's energy level. All in all, I admit that shopping alone is indeed a fun experience. I guess I'll have to do that often now.
Sometimes I wish humans are able to crave their feelings onto a stone. That way, you do not have to worry about any kind of change of feelings. Just take the stone out and look at it and that old feeling will flow into you, like it has never left you before. While change of feelings may not be necessary bad, but isnt it better if you can store that feelings somewhere and eliminate any chances of that feelings evolving into something that you have never wanted it to be in the first place? Just like how the bestest of friends can become enemies overnight, or how old couples, after staying together for decades, can gradually turn against each other due to irreconcilable differences? Afterall, prevention is still better than cure.
I've always hated changes, because I fear uncertainty. But I realised finally that being stagnant at any point in life or relationship is not a good thing. Hopefully, things will turn out to be great once again. I want more. However, I do not know if my demand for more is going to cost me my happiness. At the same time, I'm aware that if the same old problem is never going to be resolved, it's still better to let things go. Because the same problem will still come back and haunt you eventually.
I'm so, so tired. No sure if I'm making any sense either. Night.
♥ -Dollicious-Sinner-