Sunday, March 27, 2005 @5:32 PM
yupz. it's official. we are over. let's just blame it on irreconcilable differrences. i guess i was just someone to while his extra resources and time he had on hand. he choosed to believe someone instead of me, even when i have alibi. i know they are doubtful alibi but what else could i have done to prove that i was truthful all along? it breaks my heart to see how much he dun trust me, preferring to think of me as a shameless whore. to think we were on the topic of trust just the other day.. about how i should learn not to be so possessive and stuff.. what an irony ya? after some period of cold treatment, i think enough is enough. nonetheless, me leaving him has nil impact on him. his life still goes on happily, with his precious game and friends. where do i stand? even when i called him, i can still hear the clear blasting of monsters in the background. there was no effort to conceal the fact that our breakup is far from his mind, even with me crying profusedly.. he called once (which i hang up), but i guess that one call was an accurate measurement of his maximum effort in trying to salvage this worthless relationship. not conceding defeat i went online to look for him.. but that was just another futile attempt.. he is too busy chatting with his online friends.. i asked him why i always have to make the first move. he told me to think whatever i want. his answer is simply a manifestation of how much he is infactuated with his game. i was already long forgotten. there was no tears.. no begging.. no reluctance.. is this how a person who loves you wholly and exclusively would behave? he told me he does not like the fact that our friends tease him about being scared of me.. kailing told them it's not scare.. but respect and coz he loves me a great deal.. for that very moment i was just so damn proud that this perfect guy was purely mine alone.. he blamed me for this incessant teasing.. but what can i do? i've always been very vocal and perhaps it appears to all that i am very dominating and fierce.. while it's true that i am indeed domineering, i am not fierce.. i may be ren xi but give me time and i will try to see things from ur point of view eventually.. i was thinking at the back of my mind.. if he really loves me.. y care about how pple think? it's only coz u want a gf for some appearances that u would be bothered about how the others think of you.. parhaps this breakup is also an inevitable one since he does not like me to go clubbing.. i'm still young after all.. i want to have my share of fun.. clubbing does not mean u will end up in the bed of some other guys or flirting with other guys.. i dun k.. pple who go clubbing with me shud know how i treat guys.. to turn the table round, i dun like him to play games, yet he plays it all the time.. he can have his share of fun but y cant i? all of us are different.. ur idea of fun is completely different from mine.. i go clubbing once in a blue moon whereas u play it every other single day.. is it fair? i extend the offer to u to go club with me.. u refused to accompany me then y doubt me? if u find it hard to trust me then go along with me lar! *sob*
i'm tired people.. real tired..
♥ -Dollicious-Sinner-
Saturday, March 26, 2005 @5:05 PM
went double o again!! was already outside rouge when shumin called to said the music sucks coz it's live band. headed to double o coz kailing said she had never been there. shared half a jug of vodka ribena with kailing, had one flaming linbogini (spelling error), 2 tequila shots. surprisingly still feel sane.. haha.. my jiu liang must have improved tremadously. anyway we were just hanging out around the bar counter talking and suaning each other.. i actually stuff tissues into shumin and kailing's tops.. haha.. they damn happy and high lor.. kept laughing like mad and amde no effort to remove the extra padding. haha.. kailing tried to do imitate a catwalk and we all tried to trip her.. headed to the dance floor finally. danced with shumin and kailing. damn fun!! aiyah.. we were all trying to act les.. think kailing and shumin too hot liao lar.. shumin actually knocked her strong hard teeth against kailing's pitiful forehead.. now there's a bum on her forehead.. haha.. next time go clubbing must definitely ask shumin along!! clubbing sessions with her are always so damn fun so far!! think we girls are really kinda rowdy. the PR manager requested to take a picture of all of us. she claimed we are all very pretty. lol.. the PR manager is damn hot too nevertheless. she said wants to put our pics on dble o's website.. hmm.. look out for us man! anyway apparently she only took pics of us, noticed she didnt go take other pple's pics.. hahahaha..me, shumin kailing and huibin must have really been damn attractive. lol.. went home straight after the party dispersed. drop dead at 4. going out to have dinner with the E1 guys later..
♥ -Dollicious-Sinner-
Wednesday, March 23, 2005 @9:42 PM
reached home at only around 12 last night. damn shag. but managed to format the 202 report into some professional pieces of papers finally. made a pact with shumin that if we got B- for this report, we are gonna go clubbing with kailing and left her there high and drunk. of coz not before selling her off to some ah neh for a high price of $100. lol. she would be delighted. hahaha...
was on the topic "first kiss" with kailing and shumin yesterday. we were discussing how young we were when we lost our first kiss when shumin stunned us by saying she had not given hers away. me and kailing burst out laughing. i mean how could it be man?! she's a chiongster!! even thou i am not a regular clubber, i did kiss a stranger before when i was mighty high. then she lamented that she french kiss a girl before. i was totally surprised coz i dun think she's a les althou there appears not to be any lingering guy right now. it set me wondering how it would be like to kiss a girl. i simply cant imagine the tot of the act but i reckon it might be quite interesting to kiss a girl. of coz not just any jane or mary.. but some babe who is really damn attractive. hey pple, dun think i'm les hor. im happily attached to NG CHEE HUI right now.. lol.. on a more serious note, if, i mean IF, if i ever kiss a girl, would it be considered cheating on my partner? lol..
♥ -Dollicious-Sinner-
Monday, March 21, 2005 @6:28 PM
The above title carries nothing but the pure 100% element of truth in it. since u left me in the lurch earlier, y shud i help you now?
yes, that's me. i'm a very vengeful person. not the kind to be push around. think through your disgusting acts before seeking help from me. u want help from me? know your limits first.
♥ -Dollicious-Sinner-
@10:17 AM
last night dear was telling me that i often set extremely high expectations for people.. that's y i frequently end up being frustrated when people just dun meet my expectations. how true.
♥ -Dollicious-Sinner-
Friday, March 18, 2005 @1:15 PM
agreed to go chinablack with kailing. in the end we queued like mad but the stupid bouncer had to ruin our clubbing night. lol. he refused da jimmy and dan's ex, alvina to cut into our queue! damn lor.. somemore we had been queue-ing there for long half an hour? in the end made our way to double o.. never been there before.. shumin and huibin then called me and told me they are gg to double o as well..
went in then realised the music quite off.. but i want to make the best out of it coz i seldom get to go clubbing! it's not always i can find pple to go with me! sob.. anyway zan didnt eat breakfast so after just one bottle of barcardi she cmi liao.. lol.. in the end she went to eat supper with her friend.. pai seh lehz zan.. u so nice to acc me then didnt enjoy urself.. after some drinking i headed to dancefloor.. saw shumin and huibin! they danced like les! but they are not lar.. think shumin's damn hot! i seldom say gers very hot one.. so if i said she is she confirm is! dunno lehz.. the way she danced is not those very sexy or whatever one.. but very the seh.. she chiongster sia.. it was quite fun dancing and hanging out with them.. coz they very easy going, open minded yet not slutty or what.. yupz.. next time go club must ask them along.. didnt really get to dance muz actually and the time spent at double o was quite short.. so i wouldnt think it's tt fun.. sighz... looking forward to my next clubbing outing..
♥ -Dollicious-Sinner-
Thursday, March 17, 2005 @7:05 PM
gel gave me the shock of my life the other day she burst out crying. didnt know how to console her coz it's the first time i see her cry after being friends for so long.. for some peculiar reason when i saw her cry till so horribly, i was really at my wits' end and felt like crying along with her.. but i think i got to be strong right? if not i'll only make her feel worse.. hey guys, i'm not a les by the way ya.. think it's only natural to feel tt way when that person is ur close friend bahz.. anyway glad she's feeling much much better now.. at least she's not crying anymore.. think gel is really a very strong person.. smile ya gel? u look prettier when u smile.. coz u looked like rudolphe when u cry.. with ur red nose and watery mucus running down ur nose.. lol
♥ -Dollicious-Sinner-
Monday, March 14, 2005 @8:59 AM
went to orcahrd with darling xinyu last sat. wanted to get a bag tt goes well with office wear and get my brows trimmed. hm.. saw this bag in little match girl.. it's quite nice but it's not quite the colour that i want.. but settle for it in the end coz i dun want to waste time shopping around. this trip to town is meant to be very very objective. just like how guys do their shopping. lol. anyway xinyu ended up at my place coz it was raining like mad! so she started nua-ing in my room, disturbing me from typing out my essay in peace with her gossips and comments and complaints and thoughts and... lol.. u get the drift huh. lol
went to causeway point yesterday with dear. bought this pair of high waist pants. i think it looks good on me but i feel damn uncomfortable coz i've always been wearing hipster. just got to get used to it bahz.. i can then tuck in my shirt without worrying it will come out. yupz. saw estee lauder counter in metro! finally found my dazzling gold.. but somehow i dun really like the smell le.. i prefer beyond paradise but pple kept tellingme it smells like ah neh. not gg to care. think when i have some extra cash to burn, i gonna buy it!!! look at the colours of the wording.. the bottle is also very the colourful! i seriously think it's a fragrance every beautiful women shud use!!
having a presentation tomorrow. kind of nervous coz there's this real intimidating guy in my class! think i shan look at him when i present tomorrow. coz i dun want to see his " excuse me, what the shit are u crapping" kinda look. *knn*i swear i will lose my tongue if i even look at him for a split second while presenting.
read this article in a particular magazine yesterday. it states that confident people will develop their own style. set me pondering. hmm.. do i possess any style?!
♥ -Dollicious-Sinner-
Friday, March 11, 2005 @10:26 PM
just went to the salon near my house to dye my hair dark brown. not very black at all coz i demanded the hairdresser must at least dye my hair till got tint of brown. this is despite her very insistence that i dyed my hair black before and it would be hard to dye colour again.
but i dun care. yes, i am a very unreasonable consumer. anyway, she didnt manage to dye my red hair into dark brown. instead they are still reddish, but not obvious. i like the end result nevertheless. so now, i'm comtemplating if i shud dye my hair a lighter brown. shud i? maybe i shud stick to this colour for a while ya.. the price is damn cheap to do it at a neighbourhood salon i realised. only 80 bucks. cheap cheap! dear said he likes my current colour.. said it looks nicer on me. but then he always says anything looks fantastic on me. that's inevitable since i am the most beautiful woman in his eyes. right dear? *pinch*
♥ -Dollicious-Sinner-
Thursday, March 10, 2005 @2:17 AM
Emotions are just so weird and unpredictable. one minute u could be feeling euphoric, the other minute depressed. was thinking about my conversation with xinyu over lunch today. couldnt shake off the shadow of the harsh reality that had been suffocating me. looks do matter after all. i guess that's the inevitable ultimate that all developed countries have to undergo. mind u, this is not a transitional period. it's here to stay. in this society where u just randomly throw a stone at a stranger in town, probability that the person is at least a degree holder is at least 90%. it's indeed an uphill task trying to differentiate or distinguish yourself, a gg-to-be graduate from the rest of the world, to your potential employer. therefore, to simplify the elimination of candidates applying for the same post, employers now turn to your outer appearances to determine your employability. let me give u guys a real life case. i had a friend, z, who recently went to the career fair. she was approached by many staff. the satff told her that she will undoubtedly have a good prospect if she ever joins their company. upon hearing that from my friend, i was left puzzled and dumbfounded. so i went hey, but how they know u will have good propsects just by looking at u? my friend answered, "coz pretty mahz." now, i shan comment on my friend's appearance coz i think beauty is a very subjective issue. but deep in my mind, i was like thinking, what the fuck! then pple study so hard for fuck?! it's not pple's fault for looking how they looked!! how can u judge us based on our appearances?! i screamed angrily in my mind.
i know this is an extremely disturbing subject for many people, me included. tt explains my leaden-weight heart.
additionally, this matter had triggered my hatred for this creature with 2 boobs, endless legs, and a pretty interface under a mob of dead cells. all the more if this disgusting creature behaves in a freaking, irriating superior manner. I SHALL NOT TOLERATE SUCH ATTITUDE. ive made my stand very clear. if i should come across this pest, i shall spray it with pesticide and aid the world in ridding such a shameless, intolerable parasite. peace.
♥ -Dollicious-Sinner-
Monday, March 07, 2005 @9:27 AM
alright.. dammit.. came to school at around 830 with the intention to finish my part of the project to be consolidated by friday. been slacking in the access lab, walking here and there, surfing here and there, looking here and there.. u guys get the drift ya.. lol.. ok. when i finally reslove to get down to it, i realised that what i need to do are all in the financial statements! damn! dunno this shud be considered suay or lucky. think perhaps i shud not have come so early after all.. k, maybe shall ask jaslyn later. she's the shen in my group. hope we would be able to get an A for this project. then exams wise got more chance at an A.. hahahaa.. *cross fingers*
been binge-ing on food these past few weeks. kinda scary. i actually ate more than dear! *gosh* still remember the time we went to sakae sushi to eat.. think i ate more than half man. anyway the average amount of meals per day is about 6 can!? #$%^$%!! the most amazing is instead of putting on weight, i became skinnier!! my jeans and belt are all too loose right now.. can u believe it? i cant!! i dunno wat the heck is wrong with my body! it's getting kind of scary. as in i really dun want my cheeks to become just a hallow spot man. that's just plain ugly.
guess this is enough for today. should get back to pretending at working hard man. pple are staring!
♥ -Dollicious-Sinner-
Friday, March 04, 2005 @11:34 PM
supposed to be using this time to play maplestory. but the damn patch is taking a hell of a long time. since i'm not supposed to be studying at this time, decided to blog instead.
was having ge this noon when xinyu asked me if i was in school. i guess she must be feeling blue so i asked her wat happened and she told me that she is upset with this person whom i shall name v. she told me tt she nearly exploded on v today. lol. i'm not surprised coz there had been subtle conflicts between them all along. i understand how she feels too coz it happened to me before. it's true. when 2 gd friends spent too much time together, there tend to be conflicts. it's kind of weird. when friends dun meet up all the time, they get along better, apparently. i still remember i used to hang out 24/7 with grace in sec 2. we would go to school together, go home together, sit together in class (somemore consecutively for 3 years). we spend so much time together that little things we do would irritate each other. i still can remember this entry in my manual diary abt me scolding grace. the stupidest thing is i actually got irritated with her over a cup of lemon tea. ya. this incident said it all ya? then came sec 3. we sort of drifted apart coz of her devotion to band. from then, things started improving between us coz we didnt spend alot of time with each other anymore. the time spent together were only in class, where we would then sit next to each other and chat as softly as possible. if that failed, we would pass notes to each other although she was like directly next to me. still remember we would pass notes often in mdm leow's class. lol. ya. move on to jc. me and christine also spent loads of time together. we sit together, sms each other regularly, blah blah blah. i tot i found a good friend in her till one day i received an sms from her which was intended for desmond. in the sms, she labelled me a bitch. lol. after that we drifted and of coz become good friends again. me, zan, xinyu, kailing and justin can remain as very good friends coz we do not spend alot of time together. i often ponder abt the essence of that. perhaps it's indeed true that absence makes the heart fonder. conversely, too long an absence makes a heart stray. lol.
anyway, just a piece of warning. u can be irritated with friends if spend too muz time together. but if that person is someone who has the potential to become a genuine friend of urs, i think u shud treasure the friendship. when u feel that u might have gone overboard and hurt her feelings, it's time to apologise to let her know that she is someone whom u treasure and care. so, sorry to all the pple who's reading this and i have thrown my xiao jie pi qi on. i really dun mean it!! serious! it's precisely we are close enough that's y u guys get to see my real side man. where got pple show black face to strangers one? so u guys shud feel privileged k!
alright, shall go check on my maple story patch le!
♥ -Dollicious-Sinner-
Thursday, March 03, 2005 @10:52 PM
Yeah man! got back both my aa201 and tax quizes today! scored 76% for the taz quiz when the class average is only like 60+? lol. must haolian one leh!! nan de i can do well for once sia. today was a very satisfying day for me. managed to solve my tax tut qn for the presentation quite single-handedly. did it the night before. yeah!! scored an A for for aa201 quiz too! yeah! simply adore accounting! think it's in my blood. i come from a family of accountants anyway. all my aunts were previously accountants till they quitted many years back to become full-time housewives. lol.. yeah!! so happy! guess my hard work is finally showing some decent results man.
♥ -Dollicious-Sinner-