Friday, December 17, 2004 @10:19 AM
sighz.. wt a boring day it's going to be.. he's angry at me.. nv return my smses.. i dunno lar.. i also dunno y i quarral with him.. guess i always expect him to do something then he nv do lor.. last time when i was staying in hall and didnt have dinner he would pack food for me to eat.. last night i didnt even have dinner and he's having a hell out of fun with his jc friends.. i tot maybe after his dinner he would buy some stuff for me to eat but looks like he'e keen on staying there forever with his so fun friends.. it's always been the case.. nv abt me.. it's always been his computer games, his soccer or friends.. last time he went out also till very late.. spend the time catching up with his friends he claimed.. then wat abt me? he forever has nothing to say to me.. i'm always the one yakking on the fone while he just either smile, give comments for the sake of giving those worthless comments or he just shut up and not say anything at all.. but with his friends, he has endless stuff to talk abt.. perhaps he's happier with his friends, not me, perhaps zan was right in saying tt army guys are just looking for companionship to burn their weekends.. i feel like one.. i dun understand also y he come my house like always so bad mood.. esp on his night out.. the 1st time it happened he said he wun happen again, then it happened for the second time and then 3rd time.. if he's so unhappy coming then i rather he not come.. spend the time with his friends or wat lor.. i dun think i'm the one for him anyway.. maybe someone who he has endless stuff to talk abt or has the same interest in him in soccer would be ideal for him.. if he's betting on soccer, his hp would be ringing incessantly.. i cant stand it.. i told him tt weekend shud be our quality time.. he said ok, he would ask his friends to find smebody else.. but then tt was just a lie.. he promised me he can give me a fairy tale like romance, but tt didnt happen.. he promised me he will treasure me and treat me like a princess but tt didnt happen either.. he said he would open up to me.. but tt didnt happen either.. i was always the last to know what is gg on in his life.. i feel like shit.
Perhaps we shud not even be together.. we quarral yesterday and i suggested tt we break off since from wat he said, he's simply implaying tt we wun last beyond his uni days.. since a breakup is inevitable in the long run, might as well end now and he said alright.. *sob* wat am i to him? for this nearly 1 year of being together, he had nv asked me if i want to stay, asked me to stay.. with or without me, his life would still be the same, if not happier.. he said he cant live without me, haha.. but from all the things he's done and said i'll be a fool to believe him.. perhaps we human beings shud always take things with a pinch of salt.. from my relationship with rudy, i already learned nothing is forever.. people changed with environmnt and feelings change too.. since he already acknowledged the fact tt we would not last, then wat's the point of being together now? i guess i shud just be strong. who say women cant live without men?
♥ -Dollicious-Sinner-