Sunday, March 27, 2005 @5:32 PM
yupz. it's official. we are over. let's just blame it on irreconcilable differrences. i guess i was just someone to while his extra resources and time he had on hand. he choosed to believe someone instead of me, even when i have alibi. i know they are doubtful alibi but what else could i have done to prove that i was truthful all along? it breaks my heart to see how much he dun trust me, preferring to think of me as a shameless whore. to think we were on the topic of trust just the other day.. about how i should learn not to be so possessive and stuff.. what an irony ya? after some period of cold treatment, i think enough is enough. nonetheless, me leaving him has nil impact on him. his life still goes on happily, with his precious game and friends. where do i stand? even when i called him, i can still hear the clear blasting of monsters in the background. there was no effort to conceal the fact that our breakup is far from his mind, even with me crying profusedly.. he called once (which i hang up), but i guess that one call was an accurate measurement of his maximum effort in trying to salvage this worthless relationship. not conceding defeat i went online to look for him.. but that was just another futile attempt.. he is too busy chatting with his online friends.. i asked him why i always have to make the first move. he told me to think whatever i want. his answer is simply a manifestation of how much he is infactuated with his game. i was already long forgotten. there was no tears.. no begging.. no reluctance.. is this how a person who loves you wholly and exclusively would behave? he told me he does not like the fact that our friends tease him about being scared of me.. kailing told them it's not scare.. but respect and coz he loves me a great deal.. for that very moment i was just so damn proud that this perfect guy was purely mine alone.. he blamed me for this incessant teasing.. but what can i do? i've always been very vocal and perhaps it appears to all that i am very dominating and fierce.. while it's true that i am indeed domineering, i am not fierce.. i may be ren xi but give me time and i will try to see things from ur point of view eventually.. i was thinking at the back of my mind.. if he really loves me.. y care about how pple think? it's only coz u want a gf for some appearances that u would be bothered about how the others think of you.. parhaps this breakup is also an inevitable one since he does not like me to go clubbing.. i'm still young after all.. i want to have my share of fun.. clubbing does not mean u will end up in the bed of some other guys or flirting with other guys.. i dun k.. pple who go clubbing with me shud know how i treat guys.. to turn the table round, i dun like him to play games, yet he plays it all the time.. he can have his share of fun but y cant i? all of us are different.. ur idea of fun is completely different from mine.. i go clubbing once in a blue moon whereas u play it every other single day.. is it fair? i extend the offer to u to go club with me.. u refused to accompany me then y doubt me? if u find it hard to trust me then go along with me lar! *sob*
i'm tired people.. real tired..
♥ -Dollicious-Sinner-