Thursday, December 16, 2004 @8:31 PM
so tired right now man.. slept for less than 7 hrs.. i'm so tired i simply have no appetite.. yest was the date tt marked my 4th aunt's 3rd year death anniversary.. went to fold joss paper for her yest with my aunts and cousins.. while i was there my cousin ( son of my 4th aunt) told us tt when he went upstairs to take some stuff, he saw my 4th aunt in the hse.. he quickly ran away.. i dun think it's eerie or anything like tt.. but it sorta made me believe in life after death.. i dunno.. i mean, there was no one else at the hse le.. somemore how could my cousin not recognise his own mum? ya.. so i think it's still best to do some merits while u are still alive and have the chance to make some amends while u have the chance to.. in case one day u just suddenly died and be forced to go into hell.. ok.. sound a bit scary.. but seriously i dun think my cousin was lying.. ya.. what's there to lie abt this kind of stuff..
tt day i was quarraling with dear over my social life.. gel told me abt hers too.. both of us seem to be in the same boat.. we practically have nil social life ever since we got attached.. i'm not blaming cheehui lar.. coz he also nv stop me or wat mahz.. it's just tt i dunno y i always feel so damned obliged to acc him esp when he book out or wat.. i know he does not mind me gg out with my friends and leaving him alone but i just could not help him coz i dun like him to be alone.. dunno y.. but now he's also out with his friends.. haha.. think i also got to learn how to let go of such an irritating and stressful oligation.. i shud not hang out with him all the time man.. i feel tt for a couple to really last, they need to be indepdendent and have their own social life and own fun.. i dun want to repeat the kind of mistake i made when i was with rudy.. i realised i was totally alone when we broke up.. thanks to jan and christine they all.. i realised tt i'm not alone after all.. and also i'm grateful tt zan they all stood by me thou my temper then was disastrous.. haha.. i hope tt i'm not so bad tempered to anyone anymore.. ya.. it's been a long long time since i last went clubbing.. i really want to go.. i desparately want to go! i want to just go unwind..
Results are gg to be out tmr.. i dreaded it althou i was damn freaking excited abt it just a few weeks back.. i dunno.. i guess i just dun want to raise my hopes too high... in case my results turned out to be as bad as GE.. I dun want to fall down as hard man.. i just hope tt this time i'll score better coz i feel tt i out in qte alot of effort.. somemore i dun think i'm a dumb person.. come on man.. after all i ranked second in my class for a level and been always a teacher's pet for my gd results.. thou not in sec 3 n sec 4 due to unwanted distractions.. sighz.. if i really scored very very badly, i guess i'll asked whoever score as badly or disappointed with their results out for a drink.. haha.. drown down all my sorrows.. lol.. dear would like tt.. thou i'm sure he will kill me first.. lol.. *pray pray pray*
♥ -Dollicious-Sinner-